Four days spent listening to stories of abuse of the innocent. Generations lived in fear, the young forced to grow up too fast without parents, young girls raped, babies fall victim to AIDS, a village ruled by terror. After years of prayer, fasting and brave men in Christ standing up for what is right, the Friday night service is packed out with the young men and women of the village. Fear no more.
I recently returned from South Africa where a small team of three served local Pastor Martin in sharing the Good News of freedom in Christ. Three days Sister Sally and I held simple medical screening clinics and four nights we spend serving at the Crusade in breakout session with about 150 young girls and women of the community. The majority of these precious pearls were victims of rape, abuse, the trap of pleasing men and STD ’s. In our time with them Sister Sally shared the beauty of the body and Christ’s handy work in how unique and special he has made each and everyone of us. We had some basic education of abstinence and the disease process of STD ’s and how they spread. Before our meetings we spent time with the other leaders in prayer. It was in these times that the real battle was fought. We had no notes just the leading of the Holy Spirit, no agenda, just the mandate of Christ to love. Sally and I knew what we must share. It was so incredible to watch how the Spirit flowed. Sally would share her heart with these gals and then God would remind me of a story of a woman in the Bible that had deep pain and lived in fear, and how HE came into her life and brought peace. Each night built upon the other until Saturday night came, Jesus brought beauty from ashes. He took my pain and used it to offer hope to others. I was able to share from my own hurt and fear and show them the road I am on with Christ that leads to freedom and peace, covered with hope and Christ’s love. That was our theme, Hope and Love.
One night as Sally and I were preparing to speak, we asked the question, “what hope do we have to offer?” as we looked out into the darkness of the night and heard the local bar music, the sound of trouble brewing in the shadows and despair all around us. It was an honest question, “where is the hope in all this for these girls?” Dealing with my own pain, Satan was so eager to bring up moments before we were to speak, Christ reminded us both, He IS the Hope we bring. Our only “job” was to be willing to be used by HIM, and he would take care of the rest. If I were to cower in my own insecurities, what would we gain? Even as I write this, not knowing all who will read it, I admit I have reservations and I am skating around my own story. Isn’t it interesting what fear and shame can do to us?
There is a story I shared with my supporters just before I left and I would like to share it with you all. (Sorry if it’s redundant for some of you, yeah I’m gona copy and paste here)
In Matthew 9, Mark 5 and Luke 8, is the story of a woman who was so desperate for a miracle that she would do anything, absolutely anything to cause God to move! She had heard of this Jesus and had seen him all over town healing people and doing extraordinary miracles, and this woman knew she had to see him, she had to touch him. She had been to all the best doctors and spent all she had looking for a cure and had suffered a great deal the story tells us.
Ya see, back in those days when a woman was bleeding she was not to be in public, it was like a gross dirty thing and shame was associated with it. But this lady had been bleeding for twelve years (Matt 9:20) Twelve years, could you imagine? Talk about PMS! So anyway, Jesus and his peeps were walking to this high official dude's house to heal a little girl who was really sick, and there were like a hundred people surrounding Jesus and bumping up into him, and this lady knew this was her chance to get close to Jesus. She had this passion inside of her, this faith deep down that said “If I could only touch Him, even just the edge of his garment, I will be healed.” She was like one of these women on Friday after Thanksgiving early morning sale shoppers, ya know the one’s with the crazy look in their eyes as they are going after the last designer hand bag that’s 70% off, crazy, not gona let anyone stop her or get in her way, you know who I’m talking about. She pushed her way thru the crowd, crawls on the ground and stretched out her hand with all her might and with the tip of her fingers caught the hem of Jesus’ cloak. And BAM! Her bleeding stops and she felt in her body that she was free from her suffering (Mark 5:29) it was like the world froze, for the first time in twelve years she was healthy and whole! Just as this lady touched Jesus, he stops right there, “Who touched me?” Peter was like, ‘Jesus, do you see all these people? We all touchin each other. Come let’s keep going.” But no, Jesus kept looking around and asked again, “Who touched me? I felt power leave me someone touched me." The woman realized what happened and she buried her head and threw herself at his feet in fear and told him the whole story. Jesus, with this tender grin on his face reached down picked her up and said’ “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be free from you suffering.”
(You can read the whole thing in Matthew 9:18-26, Mark 5:21-43 or in Luke 8:40 -56)
I asked the question, How far are we willing to go to touch Jesus. When I wrote that letter, I had no idea what Jesus would ask of me in SA. That Saturday night as Sally and I were praying and honestly searching for Jesus in this dark place, He asked me, How far are you willing to go for me? I wept before his feet, broken and scared. There was a room full of girls who have been through hell, and here I am afraid to tell them what God has done in my life. It’s a hard thing to stand before strangers and bare your soul. It’s a hard thing to write about too.
Thursday afternoon I sat in a room with a 17 year old girl (to protect her, we’ll call her Jane) who in one year was raped by 11 different men after her father died. She lost the protection of her father and some bad men took advantage of her… 11 times in one year! As a result of the last rape in November of 2008 she became pregnant, and by a miracle has tested negative for HIV. Jane’s mother was against abortion, so for 9 months, Jane at 15 years old carried a physical reminder of her pain and fear. Today as she looks at her 14month old baby, she says to me, “I can’t stand to look at her.” This innocent baby is a source of her pain. What on earth could I possibly say to comfort Jane? A 15 year old “Stacie” (for her protection) sits haunted by memories of abuse from her father. A few years ago her parents split up and only months later Stacie’s father begins to molest her, knife point at times and in front of her little sister. She makes countless pleas to her mother to return, but doesn’t speak of this pain until her mother returns and the neighbors express their concerns about what has been going on in her absence. Just this past June, her father ending the night with the guys grabs a knife and crawls in bed with Stacie threading her with her life not to make a noise, her mother just in the other room is awakened and walks in to see that the commotion is caused by her husband in bed with her daughter. The mother grabs the “alert whistle” and called the neighbors to come and help. Stacie finds a defender in her mother. Her father sits in jail awaiting trial.
The next angel we speak with is a frightened little 9 year old, her eyes as big as the moon, her face frozen in fear her body stiff with terror, as we listen to her story, she is discovered to be Stacie’s little sister. Little “Marie” is troubled by the images of her father harming her sister; she is petrified with the thought that he will return and do the same to her. Marie needs a defender. What words do I have to comfort Stacie and her little sister? Countless stories of young girls forced to become slaves to sex and live in a constant fear of men. Innumerable accounts of children raising children as their parents are killed by AIDS. Babies left to fend for themselves, all at this one school we visited. The teachers in this school are my heroes! The care and concern they have for these little ones is overwhelming. The principal has a heart bigger then the sun, and shares with us her concern for the kiddies. How could I console someone with such pain?
Psalm 68:5 “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” Is what God impressed on my heart. He said, “Share how I protect you. Tell of my watchful eye in your life and express my love for them.”
I told them how I was betrayed by those I thought I could trust, how man used and abused me and that I could understand their pain and I knew what fear was. I told them how I questioned God and how he showed me great love. How his heart broke when we were being hurt, and how he came to our defense. Remember Jane, at the end of our time together, she smiled, and for the first time reports her teacher, she called her daughter by name, she said, “I’m going to go home now and hold my baby." Jane received a touch from Jesus that brought healing, her teacher received a renewed hope and both are committed to Jane’s healing and the raising of her daughter. Stacie and her sister are set on a long road to recovery and all our sisters who were at those meetings have been given a fresh start on a journey to wholeness. In December, LORD willing, we will return to SA and check in with these gals and continue our talks and our prayer is to start similar meetings with the young men in teaching them to be Men who protect and not boys that wound.
When we come to Jesus with a broken heart and a willing spirit, when we are willing to do whatever it takes to touch the hem of His garment, no matter how uncomfortable it may be, something beautiful happens. He “…in all things works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Isaiah 61:1-4 “…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” I believe this is God’s desire of all of us who have been hurt by the selfish desire of a man. He longs to restore us to wholeness, to give “bouquets of roses instead of ashes” as The Message words this verse. So many of us have been hurt and betrayed and the overwhelming sense of shame has kept us captive too long. I am here to tell you dear sisters; fear no more! Let not shame hold you from joy, instead stand firm in the embrace of Christ. Every tear that boy made you cry, Jesus cried with you. This may sound cheesy to you, but I tell you the truth when I say Jesus knows your pain. For a long time and even now when I am weak I question him. “God, Where were you when…?” I know you have asked that yourself, I will not sit here and pretend to have the answers. I don’t know why some of us have to face such disgrace and be trapped by fear. But what I can say with all honesty, God was there and his heart was shattered when we were violated.
I saw a painting of Jesus holding a girl in his lap. She was depicted in a way to suggest she was just raped and thrown out with the trash, and as Jesus sat there with his arms around her, the pain on his face made me cry, you could see in the girls face such hurt and her little hands wrapped around his arms, so tender. When I am having a rough day and the memories begin to creep in, when I cry out to God and close my eye’s that is the picture I see, His arms around me, holding me tight and safe. I pray that when the pain of your past comes in, that is the image of Christ you see, the great protector holding you safe.
That is my heart dear sisters. Thou pain and fear try to stop me the enemy may come full force, I will not tremble, I will not cower, for I have found my voice and shout aloud, “No more! For my Awesome God has delivered me and given me Life, I will Praise his Majesty and stand firm in Faith and be Powerful in Christ!”
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